By Scott McGee
Written Feb. 2, 1999
I wander through a lonely burning desert, alone, parched for lack of love.
My mind harkens to lush green meadows of my marriage. The comforting song of companionship rings in my mind. The flowers of happiness are still fresh in my memory. The sweet joyful brook of our love still burbles in my ears.
Then, like a horrible nightmare, the remembrance of divorce, a deep pit of despair, filled with anger, flashes in my thoughts. She left me! Like a raging fire, the meadow withers, blackens, and vanishes as I recall the pain of her leaving. The hot lava of my loss as she takes my children from me covers the barren landscape.
I flee, for my sanity, from the memories of the pain. I run from the volcano of hurt, and from the tornados and storms of anger and loss.
Finally, I stumble and pause in my flight. I have left behind the terror, but find myself in this hot barren desert. Endlessly, I walk on. I have no goal, no destination. The memory of the meadow taunts me. The horror of the fire, the lava, the storms, disturb my sleep. The lonely heat of the desert bakes my already numbed senses.
I have no hope, no reason to go on. I have no shelter to look for, no safe shade of happiness to find. I am not ready to give up, to kneel and die in this burning wilderness, but what is there left to try for?
I have the staff of habit to place before me and lean on. I have the disturbing mirage of hope to sometimes pull me on, but I have no goal, no home to look for.
Maybe, over the next dune of duty, or beyond the next hill of patience, I will find a tree of joy. Well, maybe, if not there, beyond the next, or the one after that.
I plod on.